i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
