Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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