The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize