no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
