party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
