Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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