Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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