I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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