I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
