Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
