i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
