She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize