No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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