Jerry, you need to find god
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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