Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
