I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
