you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
