I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This baby is an asshole
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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