Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
