my mouth tastes like poor choices
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize