I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
