so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
