She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
