a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
