My Higher Power is John Stamos
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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