I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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