That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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