My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
