If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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