Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
