I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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