Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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