the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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