It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
