I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
