It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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