Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
