i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
