Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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