the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
