I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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