I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
