i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
