Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
