I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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