She just used a chaser for red wine.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
