Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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