You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
