Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
