She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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