I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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