How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
being pregnant is like rehab
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We are all done wearing pants today
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize