apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
