Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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