dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
