i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
