I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
