I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
