The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
