Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
