32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
