It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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