My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
