I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
