He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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