There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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