My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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