that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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