I will die if light touches me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize