I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
