I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
honey bunches of taint.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
