the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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