WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
