glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I pour the whiskey from now on
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