brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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