Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
