just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
