Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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