im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
