My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
