my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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