He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
