We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
