Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
there is glitter all over my balls
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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