So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize