I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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