the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize