So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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