OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
