I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
