I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
All I want is dick and wine.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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