OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
